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I tried to turn her down gently, but she won’t take the hint!
It’s very obvious to me that she’s just another number on his mistress list. I appreciate your faith in my powers of snark, but sarcasm has its limits. Simon axiom — “It’s not that they don’t see, it’s that they disagree.” It’s not that the OW doesn’t KNOW she’s an Other Woman, it’s that she disagrees that this will end catastrophically. And when you have that kind of super special once-in-a-lifetime connection on Ashley Madison? I know a married woman who’s having an affair with a married man, and she thinks he’ll leave his wife for her. Dear Friend, Your enlightenment energies would be better spent informing the OW’s clueless chump, rather than trying to convince the OW she’s not exceptional. In fact, I’m sure many chumps here have unearthed correspondence and discovered exactly what their married partners said to their witless enablers… Even wives of sex addicts farther along in recovery may still be living in fear, or that old fear may creep up again, if you aren’t keeping her in the know about your recovery. Maybe not, and your marriage will suffer–or end–if this is the case.If you are one of those who is taking recovery seriously you have probably received guidance from many individuals: therapists, sponsors, coaches, books, meetings, etc. It is important to remember that those who are there to help you through your personal recovery are not often marriage experts and some of their well-meaning marriage advice may hurt more than help. By putting your recovery first you are doing what is best for her. Ignore all advice that sounds anything like what I mentioned above–that “her side of the street” stuff. So, how do you let your wife in while respecting the anonymity of the group, while being able to feel safe in your counseling sessions without having to worry about having to go back and report everything that was said? Give her so much information that she doesn’t have to ask.I am currently on step four and am finding it to be a struggle, but it is important to me so I am not giving up even though sometimes I feel tempted to.
Fortunately my sponsor is there to talk to me when I am feeling overwhelmed.
Don’t let her hold you back.” Men tell me all the time that this is the kind of advice they are being given. And it can feel like such a relief to hear that her rage and withdrawal and mood swings are not your fault. I say this not to shame you, but to hopefully help make all this a little easier on you. She is doubting everything because you gave her reason to. Ask her how you can help her feel safer about your recovery. Instead of being frustrated that she is not where you would like her to be in her healing process, consider how blessed you are that she is still here at all!
One way you can make your relationship with your wife go a little more smoothly is to keep her informed of what your recovery looks like and even allow her to be involved. Ask her what you can do to make her feel like she is a part of your recovery. If your wife is the one who sent you this article, don’t get upset or feel like she is trying to control you. The above examples of what wives want and deserve to know can feel daunting.
In a minute I’ll explain what she doesn’t need to know.
Hopefully that will help both you and her to have more productive conversations.
Back to home and hearth, where those little barnacles need me. My balls may be sagging and my ears may sprout tufts of scraggle-hair, but I deserve some fresh ass. Fact is, I’m a walking boner (especially with a little pharmaceutical assistance).